1 00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:05,090 ( upbeat piano theme playing ) 2 00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:07,590 ANNOUNCER: Last week on Wings: 3 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,590 The Wharf Playhouse is putting on a production 4 00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,590 of Phantom of the Oprah. 5 00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:14,100 It's about a deranged ex-producer 6 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:15,600 of The Oprah Winfrey Show. 7 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,600 Wonder if they need a leading man. 8 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,100 Maybe they have parts for all of us. 9 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,100 That string quartet gig, huh? 10 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,610 I know I kept saying that music was out of my system, 11 00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,110 but I was just kidding myself. 12 00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:27,110 I miss it so much, Brian. 13 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,610 I think we should buy Helen... 14 00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:30,610 a new cello. 15 00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:33,120 Where are we gonna get $15,000? 16 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120 The real point is how many chances do we have 17 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,620 to change a person's life? 18 00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:39,620 ( plucks strings ) 19 00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:42,630 How could you guys do this to me? 20 00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,630 Well... 21 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:48,130 wire it up, pop a pleated shade on it, 22 00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:50,130 be a darned nice floor lamp. 23 00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,640 ( upbeat piano theme playing ) 24 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,640 Okay, uh, let's rehearse the opening number. 25 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:00,640 Places everyone. 26 00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:07,650 ( ragtime music playing ) And five, six, seven, eight. 27 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:12,160 ALL: Phantom, shantom I don't believe in phantoms 28 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:16,160 I never have I never shall, not I 29 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,660 I believe in me And that's the thing, you see 30 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:24,670 That gets me by 31 00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:29,170 That gets me by 32 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,680 You know, I must admit, the first time we did that number, 33 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,680 I was a little skeptical, but now I'm sure. Ha-ha. 34 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,180 We stink on ice. 35 00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,680 Where's Helen? 36 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,680 Uh, in her kitchen. ( door closes ) 37 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,190 Uh, uh, okay, everybody, remember costume fittings 38 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,690 tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. 39 00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:45,690 Roy? Mm? 40 00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,190 Wear underwear. 41 00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,700 Helen, come out here. HELEN: Go away. 42 00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,200 Helen. 43 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,700 Look, I don't want to talk about this. 44 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:57,200 Yeah, well, we're going to. What the hell just happened? 45 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,200 I can't accept that cello. 46 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,700 I don't mean to seem ungrateful. 47 00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:01,700 it's just that the last thing I need 48 00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,210 is you two taking pity on me. 49 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,710 Oh, Helen, we didn't give it to you out of pity. 50 00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,210 We gave it out of friendship. 51 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,210 You don't understand. Come on. 52 00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:08,710 This just sends a message to me 53 00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:09,710 that my life is so pathetic 54 00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:11,210 that you two need to ride in 55 00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,720 on your white horses and save me. Oh. 56 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,220 It was just supposed to be a friendly gesture. 57 00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,720 A gesture? 58 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,220 I saw that cello. That's a hand-crafted Rumati. 59 00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,730 Those sell for almost $12,000. 60 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,730 You only went to one store, didn't you? 61 00:02:30,730 --> 00:02:32,740 Helen. Helen, Helen. 62 00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,240 You-- You're taking this all wrong. 63 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,240 Are you-- Are you listening to me? Listen. 64 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,240 You-- For twenty years you were there for us. 65 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,750 Okay, when Joe crashed the plane, you were there for us. 66 00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:44,250 I was on the plane. I had no choice. 67 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:47,750 Heh. Yeah, but afterwards you did all those nice things 68 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,750 to cheer us up. Like you made those brownies. 69 00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,760 Not $12,000 worth of brownies. 70 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,260 ( sighs) Fifteen. 71 00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,760 God, did you only go to one store? 72 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,770 Helen, look. Look. It would make us happy to give you this. 73 00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:05,770 Let us be there for you, just this once. 74 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,270 I could never pay you back. 75 00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,780 I'll tell you what... 76 00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:14,280 Go to that audition... get the job. 77 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,280 We'll call it even. 78 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,790 This is probably the... 79 00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:23,790 most wonderful thing 80 00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:26,290 anybody's ever done for me. 81 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,790 I love you guys. 82 00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:32,800 ( sniffles ) Hey, now. 83 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,300 If you don't want to see me cry, 84 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,800 let's just leave it at that. Okay. 85 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,800 ( sighs ) 86 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:39,800 ( blows nose ) 87 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,810 You crying, Joe? Only if you are. 88 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,810 No way. Yeah, me either. 89 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,310 ( upbeat theme playing ) 90 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,820 ( playing cello ) 91 00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:06,830 Enough! 92 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,830 Very nice. Very nice indeed. 93 00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,840 We'll call you. 94 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,840 Don't wait by the phone. 95 00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,340 Are you here to audition? Yes, sir, I am. 96 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,840 Come, come, come, come. 97 00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,840 Whoa. Babe alert. I want her. 98 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:22,350 Shut up, Johnny! 99 00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:28,350 Allow me to introduce our quartet. 100 00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:31,350 I, of course, am Karl Spengler. 101 00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:33,360 Here in black, 102 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,360 she with the laughing eyes... 103 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,860 Miss Lydia Detmeir. 104 00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:41,360 There, on violin, Mr. Johnny 105 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,370 "no relation to the electronics giant" Toshiba. 106 00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,370 Now, tell us a little something about yourself. 107 00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:50,370 Oh. Okay, um... 108 00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,380 well, I'm originally from Texas-- 109 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:53,380 Too much! 110 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380 What is your musical background? 111 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,880 ( chuckles ): Oh. I see. 112 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,380 Um... 113 00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,880 Uh... ( chuckles ) 114 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,880 Being up here I feel a little bit 115 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,390 like I'm on a talk show. 116 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,890 Ja. We are forced to share the theater with 117 00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,890 a pathetic little acting troupe 118 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,890 putting on a production of Phantom of the Oprah. 119 00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,900 ( chuckles ): Have you ever heard of anything so stupid? 120 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:16,400 Yeah, actually, a few of my friends are in it. 121 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,400 Points off. 122 00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,400 Continue. 123 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,910 Oh, um, well, uh... 124 00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:25,910 I played in the Sconset High School Chamber Orchestra. 125 00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:27,910 And then, um... 126 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,910 I didn't do much for the next ten years. 127 00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:30,910 And... 128 00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:33,920 finally I was offered second chair 129 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,420 in the Boston Philharmonic. 130 00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,420 I mean it, Karl. I really, really want her. 131 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,420 Shut up, Johnny! 132 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,930 You're very pretty. 133 00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:45,430 Do you consider yourself pretty? 134 00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:47,430 Oh. W-well-- 135 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:48,430 Oh, just play, 136 00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,430 for God's sake, play. 137 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,940 ( plays cello ) 138 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:00,440 MAN: Stop! 139 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,450 Stop this audition. 140 00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:04,450 This-- This is a travesty. 141 00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:06,450 How dare you try to replace me. 142 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,950 Catlow, we have been 143 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,950 over this time and time again. 144 00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:12,460 You were once a valued member of the quartet, 145 00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:13,960 but you are voted out. 146 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,960 Now, shoo. We have work to do. 147 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,960 But-- But I founded this group. Ja. 148 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,460 And at our last performance you wore a tuxedo shirt 149 00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:22,470 and bicycle pants. 150 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,970 We have work to do. 151 00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,970 Now get back down to the beach with your metal detector 152 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,470 and find yourself some change. 153 00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:30,470 Spengler... 154 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:31,470 I promise you, 155 00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:33,980 if I am not in this string quartet, 156 00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:36,980 there will be no string quartet. Mm. 157 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:37,980 Mm. 158 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,480 You know what, Mr. Spengler, 159 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,480 why don't I just play for you some other time? 160 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,490 Sit! 161 00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,990 This is your scheduled appointment. 162 00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,990 The fact that I am so angry 163 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,990 my brain is about to explode out of my head 164 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:53,000 and across the room should be of no concern to you. 165 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,500 Now, play. 166 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,500 ( suspenseful theme playing ) 167 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,010 ( upbeat theme playing ) 168 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:06,010 Morning, Helen. Morning, Fay. 169 00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,010 ( clattering ) 170 00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:13,020 Well, you certainly seem to be in a bad mood. 171 00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:14,520 Uh, luckily, I have some news 172 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,020 that'll cheer you right up. 173 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,520 The woman who was supposed to play Oprah Winfrey in the show 174 00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,520 slipped and sprained her ankle, 175 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,030 so now they're giving me her part. 176 00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:26,530 I didn't get picked for the string quartet. 177 00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,530 Well, isn't this awkward? 178 00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:32,030 Ha-ha. There she is. Oh. 179 00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,540 Oh, the newest member of the Nantucket String Quartet. 180 00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:36,540 Oh, well... Oh, come on, yeah. 181 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:39,040 Now, now. I had a vision last night. 182 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,540 I just know they're gonna call you 183 00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,550 and offer you that quartet gig. 184 00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,050 Oh, well, you know, they did call... 185 00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:45,550 See? See. Huh? 186 00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,050 And, uh... 187 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,050 they told me I lost the job to someone else. 188 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,060 Oh, honey, I'm really sorry. 189 00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,060 I know how much this meant to you. 190 00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,560 There's gotta be other groups you can audition for. 191 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,560 Oh, right. I didn't make it in the Nantucket String Quartet. 192 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,070 Where do you go from there? 193 00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,570 Down to the docks with a tin cup and a monkey? 194 00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:08,070 Just take the cello, get your money back. 195 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,570 Well, now, Helen, we can't do that. 196 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:10,570 Absolutely not. We're not gonna 197 00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,580 let you give up this easily. 198 00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:15,080 Yeah-- Well, no. I mean, we can't get our money back. 199 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,580 Music store has an exchange-only policy. 200 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,580 What? 201 00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:22,590 You're telling me we have a $15,000 credit 202 00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:24,590 at a music store? 203 00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:27,090 Great. Now we can start that marching band 204 00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,090 we've always dreamed of. 205 00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:31,090 Miss Chapel. 206 00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:33,100 Mr. Spengler. What are you doing here? 207 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,100 I have come here to welcome you 208 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:38,100 as the newest member of the Nantucket String Quartet. 209 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,100 ( all cheering ) 210 00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:44,110 Oh, wow, you did it. Oh, that is-- 211 00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:46,110 When... 212 00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:48,110 you are finished... 213 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:55,120 We practice tonight, 7:00 sharp. 214 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,120 Oh, Mr. Spengler. I'm a little confused. 215 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,620 Um, I thought you picked somebody else. 216 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,620 We did. But that fell through. 217 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:04,130 The important thing is you not consider yourself 218 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,130 our second choice. 219 00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:06,630 Oh. No, I wouldn't. Heh. 220 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,630 Good. Because you're our third choice. 221 00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:11,630 ( pensive theme playing ) 222 00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:17,640 ( upbeat theme playing ) 223 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,640 ( kids laughing ) 224 00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:21,140 ( hammering loudly ) 225 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:25,150 Lowell. Lowell. 226 00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:26,650 Lowell. 227 00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,650 I-- I know you are playing the part of a stagehand, 228 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:32,160 but...why do you have to rehearse hammering? 229 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,160 Antonio, Antonio. 230 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,660 Might as well ask, why did that actor gain sixty pounds 231 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,170 to play the role of Jake La Motta 232 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,170 in Raging Bull. 233 00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:45,170 De Niro? 234 00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,670 Of course it was for the money. 235 00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:51,170 ( clapping ) 236 00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,680 Okay, kids, kids, lots of work to do. 237 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:54,680 Come on, let's get off our duffs 238 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,180 and make some magic, shall we? 239 00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,180 All right. Now we're going to try and put it on its feet, 240 00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,680 and then pull it all together. 241 00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:04,690 I hate this man. 242 00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:06,690 All right. Lighting. 243 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:09,190 Let me see the scary flickering. 244 00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:11,190 Thank you, lighting. 245 00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:14,700 Sound, uh, let me hear the Phantom laugh. 246 00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:17,200 ( man laughing ) 247 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,200 Thank you, sound. 248 00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,700 A-- All right, special effects. 249 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,210 This is where the hundred-pound sandbag 250 00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,710 comes crashing to the stage. 251 00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:33,720 I think we can make that effect a little more special. 252 00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,220 Let's move on, shall we? 253 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720 All right, Lowell. 254 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,220 Our Phantom had a dental appointment this afternoon. 255 00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:42,730 How would you like to play the part? 256 00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:44,730 W-would I? Uh, yeah. 257 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,730 I mean, the role I have now a chimp could play. 258 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,230 Uh, what do you want me to do? 259 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,230 Swing in on a rope. 260 00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,240 All right. Okay. Okay. Now, Roy. 261 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,240 Yeah? Roy. 262 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,740 Yeah? Roy. 263 00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,240 ( clears throat ) All right, Roy, 264 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,740 this is where you, as the producer, 265 00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:01,240 are counting us out of a commercial. 266 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,250 And...action. 267 00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,750 Not yet, Lowell. 268 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:10,750 Swing in when I yell 269 00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:13,260 "Action, Phantom." 270 00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,760 Okey-dokey. 271 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,260 Roy. 272 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,260 Okay. We're back in five, 273 00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,260 four, three, two-- 274 00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:23,770 Wait. Let me just stop you, Roy. 275 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,270 You see, just something to remember. 276 00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,270 Theater is not down here. 277 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,270 Theater is up here. 278 00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,270 Let's try it again. 279 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,780 Okay. We're back in five, 280 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,780 four, three, two-- 281 00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,780 Oh, yes, that's much better, isn't it? 282 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,290 Let's jump ahead, shall we? 283 00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:46,290 To, uh... Fay's line: 284 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:49,790 "Bernardo, when did you first realize" dot, dot, dot. 285 00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:55,300 Bernardo. When did you first realize 286 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,300 that you were only attracted to women 287 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,300 who used to be men? 288 00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:01,800 Well, I was in a restaurant. 289 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:04,810 Uh, I saw this woman at another table. 290 00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,310 She was beautiful. 291 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:07,810 But...there was something else. 292 00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,810 I'll say there was. 293 00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,820 ( women laughing ) 294 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,320 Sorry. Sorry. 295 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,320 Sorry. 296 00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,330 ( clears throat ) 297 00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,330 Continue, Fay. Fay. ( clears throat ) 298 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,830 Um, let's hear from the studio audience. 299 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,840 Bernardo, did you ever think maybe that you're confused 300 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,840 about your own sexual identity? 301 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,340 Well, uh, I suppose that's possible. 302 00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,340 ( piano playing ) 303 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:53,360 Confused 304 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,860 Why am I so confused? 305 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,360 Why can't I be Like other men 306 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,360 Who have no yen 307 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,370 For women Who used to be guys? 308 00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:08,370 Why do I like gals 309 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:13,380 Who were previously My pals? 310 00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:16,380 Why do I like them? 311 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:19,880 Tell me why 312 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,380 And applause, applause, applause. 313 00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,380 And action, Phantom. 314 00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,890 Phantom. 315 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,890 Lowell! 316 00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:30,390 Yeah? 317 00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:34,400 ( upbeat theme playing ) 318 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,400 Oh, Helen. I've been so busy with the play 319 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,410 I haven't thought to ask you how your rehearsals have been going. 320 00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,410 Oh, just keeps getting weirder and weirder. 321 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,410 When that bald guy isn't yelling at me in German... 322 00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:51,410 the ghoulish Lydia keeps staring at me 323 00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:53,920 asking me if I think of myself as pretty. 324 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,420 Well, if you're that unhappy, 325 00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:56,420 why don't you just quit? 326 00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,920 God, I'd love to. 327 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,920 But I don't wanna disappoint Joe and Brian. 328 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,430 I mean, they went into major debt to buy me that cello. 329 00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,930 Oh, Helen. Your friends are here. Oh, God. 330 00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,430 ROY: Oh, this must be important. 331 00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:07,930 They're taking a hell of a chance 332 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,430 coming out in the daylight. 333 00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:14,440 Ah, Helen. We have something to tell you. 334 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,440 Yes? 335 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440 Do you want to tell her? No, you tell her. 336 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,940 I'm much too excited. 337 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,950 We are going on tour. 338 00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:24,450 What? 339 00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,450 We travel by van. 340 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,950 Fifty performances in forty-nine days. 341 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,450 It is like a bookmobile, 342 00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,450 only we bring classical music 343 00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:34,460 to those who aren't usually exposed to it. 344 00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:36,960 Or want to be. ( laughing ) 345 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,960 She has been like this all morning. 346 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,960 ( laughing ) 347 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,970 I can't stop her. 348 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,970 Oh, you know, that sounds really super. 349 00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,470 But, um, you know, I just can't up and leave 350 00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:52,470 my lunch counter here. 351 00:14:52,470 --> 00:14:54,480 I mean, these people need me. 352 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:55,480 Isn't that right? 353 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,480 No, not really. ( chuckling ) 354 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,980 Go enjoy yourself. Send us a postcard. 355 00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,980 Listen to him, whoever he is. 356 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:03,990 Sorry I didn't introduce you. 357 00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:04,990 Thank you. 358 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,490 Come, bubula. We must pack. 359 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,990 We leave right after the concert. 360 00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:13,500 ( groans ) 361 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,000 Nope, that's it. I've had it. 362 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,500 I'm quitting the string quartet. 363 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,000 Well, I thought you said you couldn't quit 364 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,000 because Joe and Brian gave you that cello. 365 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,510 They could give me a cello, a Steinway, 366 00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:26,010 a Stradivarius and a diamond-studded music stand, 367 00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:28,010 I am not spending the next fifty days 368 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,010 in a van with the Addams family. 369 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,020 I'm telling you, Joe, it's just one of those things 370 00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,520 where the minute I saw it, I just knew I had to have it. 371 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,520 Ah, hey, that's beautiful. 372 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:40,520 Helen's gonna love it. 373 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,520 Helen? 374 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,530 ( knock on door ) 375 00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,530 Guys. There's something I have to tell you. 376 00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,530 And there's something that we have to tell you. 377 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:51,030 Well, why don't you go first. Your news looks bigger. 378 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,540 Yeah, it's not much of a surprise now, 379 00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:56,540 but we got you this dress for your debut performance. 380 00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,540 Oh, guys, you didn't have to do that. 381 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,040 Yes, we did. Helen, we're enjoying this. 382 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,540 We want to do it. I'm telling you, 383 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:02,540 ever since we bought that cello, 384 00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:03,550 it's like we've become, 385 00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:05,050 I don't know, your sponsors, or some-- 386 00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:07,050 Yeah, sort of like the way people must feel 387 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,550 when they own a race horse, you know? 388 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,550 You get the excitement of going out to the track, 389 00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,550 you bring your friends, watch your horse run, 390 00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:14,060 you grab some of the glory for yourself. 391 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,060 Right, right. So just think of this dress as sort of a-- 392 00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:19,560 A, uh, new saddle. Hm. 393 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:23,070 Well, as flattering as that is to be compared to a horse, I-- 394 00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,570 Aw, now come on. You know what we mean. 395 00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,070 Come on, we're just-- We're proud of you. 396 00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,070 Put it on. Try it on. 397 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:28,570 Here you go. Try it on. 398 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:31,570 Come on, put your hands through the sleeve. Here we go. 399 00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:32,570 Okay. Oh. There it is. 400 00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:33,580 Oh. 401 00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,080 This is so strange. 402 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,580 I never put a dress on a woman before. 403 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,580 Listen, a-as beautiful and everything as this is, 404 00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:42,580 there's something that I have to tell you. 405 00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:43,590 All right. 406 00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:45,590 Right after the concert tonight... Yeah? 407 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:53,100 I'm going with the quartet on a fifty-city tour. 408 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:56,100 All right! This is great. We did it. 409 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,100 Oh, we are so proud of you. 410 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:01,100 You must feel fantastic. Oh, I do. I really do. I'm just-- 411 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,110 Well, um, thank you. 412 00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,110 And this is such a beautiful dress. 413 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,610 And, uh, 414 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,110 I'll see you after the concert tonight. 415 00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,110 Bye, guys. BOTH: Bye. 416 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,620 Oh. 417 00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,620 Ah, it-- It's gonna be something seeing her 418 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,620 up on that stage, playing her music, you know. Hm. 419 00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,620 You bringing your Walkman? Absolutely. You? 420 00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:22,620 Oh. 421 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:30,130 ( upbeat theme playing ) 422 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,140 Just think, tomorrow night we're going to be 423 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,640 up on that very stage 424 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,640 performing Phantom of the Oprah. 425 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,140 Just hope we get this good a crowd. 426 00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,140 I just hope they stay a crowd, 427 00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,150 and don't turn into an angry mob. 428 00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,150 Friends, I have terrible news. 429 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,650 I spoke to our director. 430 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,650 They've canceled Phantom of the Oprah. 431 00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:53,660 Thank God. Oh. What happened? 432 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,660 He said we lost our backers. 433 00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,160 Well, how could that be? 434 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,160 They watched our rehearsals yesterday. 435 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,160 And right after, they said they refused to have the name 436 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,670 of Leo's Sludge and Septic associated with such garbage. 437 00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:15,180 Well, I'm so disappointed. 438 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,680 I was born to play Oprah. 439 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:20,180 I'll never get a chance to play a part like that again. 440 00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,680 I know how you must feel, Fay. 441 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:22,680 There's so few good parts 442 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,190 for black women these days. 443 00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,190 Oh. 444 00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:33,700 ( applause ) 445 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:44,710 ( playing slow classical music ) 446 00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:12,740 ( applauds ) Bravo. Brav-- 447 00:19:12,730 --> 00:19:14,740 That...wasn't the end of the piece. 448 00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,240 If you'd all backed me up, it might've been. 449 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,740 CROWD: Shh. 450 00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,250 What's going on? 451 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,750 That's exactly what happens in our play. 452 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,750 ( man laughing ) 453 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:29,750 ( crowd screaming ) 454 00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:31,250 Who did this? Who's responsible? 455 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,260 ( laughing maniacally ) 456 00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:34,760 That happens in our play too. 457 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,260 I think they're trying to rip us off. 458 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,260 It's The Phantom. 459 00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,260 What is the meaning of this? 460 00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,770 Oh. It's Winston Catlow. 461 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:46,770 CROWD ( in unison ): Who? 462 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,770 Catlow. Have you gone out of your mind? 463 00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:51,770 I promised you this quartet 464 00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,280 would not perform without me. 465 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,280 This is outrageous. 466 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,280 That's it. The performance is over. 467 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,280 Everybody go home. 468 00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:01,280 Giving orders again, I see. 469 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,290 You are a tyrant. I am not a tyrant. 470 00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:05,290 I am Austrian. Drop the curtain. 471 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,290 Well, that was nice. 472 00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,290 Should we have a bite to eat on the way home? 473 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,800 ( upbeat piano theme playing ) 474 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,300 ( sighs ) Hey. 475 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,800 So ends another chapter 476 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,300 in my brilliant career. 477 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,310 So, w-what happened? What happened? 478 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,810 Well, the quartet officially disbanded. 479 00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,310 Spengler's out in the parking lot 480 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,310 mumbling something in German. 481 00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,810 Little Johnny's grounded. 482 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,820 And, uh, last I saw, 483 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,820 Lydia was resting comfortably in my cello case. 484 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,820 You can't feel too bad about getting away from those people. 485 00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,830 I don't know how you put up with them for so long. 486 00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:48,330 I had to. For you guys. 487 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,330 What? 488 00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:50,830 Well, you know all that stuff 489 00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:52,330 about how proud you were of me? 490 00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,340 And buying me this beautiful dress. Oh. 491 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,840 And...telling me I was a horse. 492 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,340 What else was I gonna do? 493 00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:02,340 Well...I-I-I think maybe we just... 494 00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:03,850 got too involved. 495 00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:06,350 No, really. This cello has brought you nothing but trouble. 496 00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:08,350 No. It got me playing again. 497 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,850 And I have you guys to thank for that. 498 00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:13,360 You know, I feel bad though. 499 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,860 You were so excited about hearing me play, 500 00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:15,860 and you didn't get to. 501 00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:16,860 Well... Yeah, sure we did. 502 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,360 You were great. Oh, no, no, no. 503 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,360 That was nothing. 504 00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:20,360 Why don't you take a seat, 505 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,360 and I'll give you a private concert. 506 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,870 Well, that-- That won't be necessary. 507 00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:24,870 Oh, no, I insist. 508 00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,380 ( plays slow song ) 509 00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,380 Think she could see us from over there? 510 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,880 Well, it's pretty dark in here. 511 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,390 She always looks at her fingers. 512 00:21:43,390 --> 00:21:44,390 Great. 513 00:21:54,900 --> 00:22:06,910 ( upbeat piano theme playing )